You might be reading this at work. You might be reading this from your laptop while sitting in a WiFi hotspot at an airport lounge. Conceivably, someone could have printed off our review of Bombay Café and mailed it to you in prison for you to read in your cell.  Regardless of where you are at this exact moment, ask yourself this: Did you leave the iron on?  Okay, maybe the prison example isn’t the best. Inmates probably have other fearful thoughts (eg. Which object in this room could be fashioned into a shiv resulting in me being murdered?). But for everyone else, the above thought is enough to ruin your entire day. Or in my case, my curry adventure. (matt)

Matt likes to think about the weirdest things sometimes.  He’ll spend days just wondering about what Genghis Khan would have looked like in pantyhose? (see: Joe Namath add leather & fur suit of armor).... How his life would have been different if he’d actually needed to take Brian Wiebe’s Logic and Reasoning course at the U of S  instead of taking it just for a laugh? (hint: back-alley sally) …… Why is ren so addicted to Doritos? (freaken tasty)…… among other things.  (ren)

Ren was driving on Country Hills BLVD when I remembered that I had been ironing earlier in the day. I could clearly remember ironing. I could not remember unplugging the iron. A horrible feeling befell me.  It had already been about 45 minutes since I left my house and we were nowhere near my place. If I had left the iron on, and a fire started, my house would have long been singed to a pile of burnt rubble. There was no sense even worrying about it now. There was nothing I could do. (matt) 

I told matt not to worry about it.  I told him that as long as the iron isn’t face down on the board, it’d be fine for the amount of time he would be gone.  This reassured him.  Then I recounted the story of how I forgot to shut off the barbeque one night and left it running till morning.  I awoke to find I was out of propane and that the vinyl siding on the nearby wall had melted and warped from the heat.  He found this anecdote to be less reassuring.  (ren)

We drove to Bombay Café via the mysterious 36th Street NE. Anyone who has ever driven this street knows that its extremely handy but also out in the middle of nowhere. It should really be classified as a range road. It’s not very well paved and there are no street lights. It’s like driving on the farm. My fears about my iron soon turned into fears about Ren’s driving when he started searching his Ipod for some bizarre tune while half-assedly keeping his eyes on the road. At one point I think my legs were straddling the ditch. I nearly clocked him one up-side the head.  (matt)

I tried to find a song to cheer matt up.  It was by captain beefheart.  Since my ipod jack is mounted at the bottom of my dashboard, I had to momentarily take my eyes off the road while I found the song I was looking for out of the 16000 I have on my ipod.  If we'd filmed this, the footage probably could have been used as an advertisement for some kind of direct-to-brain ipod link….. or as some kind of safety video to explain the dangers of ipod use while driving. (ren)

We pulled into the parking lot at Bombay Café at 730. The hours of service were listed as 4-8Pm.   We figured we would give it a go. We walked in. Almost immediately I noted that the owner glanced at the clock. I asked if it was still okay to order. He confirmed that it was. He then pointed at the giant whiteboard on the wall featuring their menu items. He then started listing them in quick succession. Apparently he thought we were illiterate. Both Ren and I went with Goat curry. In retrospect, our order had been quite rushed by an obviously impatient owner. (matt)

Despite being slightly rushed….its not like we really would have chosen an alternative.  I can’t remember exactly but I think there were  only about 4 menu choices.  Goat, chicken or veg curry and probably butter chicken.  It’s ironic that Matt would take offense to having someone assume he was illiterate, since he was the man who got rid of a National Post telemarketer by claiming illiteracy.  (ren)

Telemarketwhore  “Hello sir, what would you say if I told you that you could subscribe to the national post for 50-cents a day”. 
Matt – “What would you say if I told you that I didn’t know how to read”
Telemarketwhore “I’d say have a nice night sir.  Goodbye”

We didn’t have to wait very long before our orders arrived. Ren’s goat came with rice. I chose the naan. We have to admit that the goat was quite tasty. We won’t deduct any points for flavour. Where we will deduct points, is in portion size. I had 4 pieces of goat in my curry. 1 was a vertebrae sans meat. 1 was a piece of gristle. The other two pieces were delicious but not worth the $6.99 I had intended on paying. And definitely not worth the $7.99 that we were later informed was the “evening price”. (matt)

My 4 pieces of goat at least all had meat on them.  Very tasty meat.  But like matty says…..not a whole lot of it.   The rice was….rice.  Nothing much going on there.  We got one napkin between the two of us, so even though the server thought we were illiterate, at least he thought we were neat.  There was a poster on the wall near our table featuring 3 white horses running in water with the words “you really can change the world if you care enough”.  I feel a little effeminate after writing about it.  (ren)

As we sat eating our meals, we caught a glimpse of the International Indian Film Association’s version of the Oscars on the TV. They were being broadcast from Yorkshire in England. Likely at some massive theater in Sheffield. It seemed be missing the pizzazz of the American awards. Maybe they should hire Billy Crystal to do an opening musical monologue. Cause really, if there’s one thing Indian Film stars love, its music. And City Slickers 2.  (matt)

Our meal was abruptly disturbed when we heard a noise coming from behind the counter. A noise that is unmistakable. A noise you never want to hear at any restaurant. The sound of nail clippers. We turned around to find the owner clipping his nails behind the counter. I was disgusted and threw up a little in my mouth.  (matt)

We paid and left as quickly as we had come. We were there at Bombay Café a grand total of 30 minutes. Never a good sign for Indian food. While the food is tasty, we can’t condone a) impatient servers b) fluctuating price ranges c) active maintenance of person hygiene in the same locale as food preparation – (eg. I don’t prepare Turkey while in the process of flossing or showering) d) small portion sizes e) Award shows without Jack Palance.

Bombay Café gets a 5. We won’t be back. There are about 6 other Indian restaurants in a one block radius that can do goat just as well at a far better price.

Rating:

Post Script: My Black n Decker QuicknEasy 460 Iron comes with an AUTO OFF feature. No worries about burning my house down!!