Many cities in Europe are notorious for having streets which change names 2 or 3 times. The same road can go by numerous monikers depending on how long it runs and what part of the city it runs through. Anyone who has navigated the streets of Seville can testify how frustrating this can be.  (matt)

This is in distinct contrast to Northmount Drive here in Calgary that basically runs from Airdrie to Cochrane without ever exceeding 50km/hr and frequently dipping down to 30km for slow children playing.  (ren)

I have noted the same phenomenon with the names of Indian restaurants in Calgary. It is not uncommon for an Indian restaurant to change names twice or three times. This may be due to either a change in ownership or a general restaurant make over.  This happens so frequently here that Ren and I now find ourselves referring to eateries as, “that place that used to be Restaurant X”.  Case in point: Mirchi.  I once tried to eat at the above address when it was called Lahore Tikka, only to find that it was closed for “renovations”.  Out of the ashes of those renovations, like a phoenix, rose Mirchi.  (matt)

One time, I was doing some renovations on my bathroom.  When I was finally done, it had transformed into a touchless car-wash.  I was understandably confused.  It did make the whole showering process extra quick and easy, but the full body hot-wax cycle always left me looking way too much like an olympic swimmer. Except rounder. (ren)

Even if a place is operational, there are no guarantees that you can eat there. Again, case in point: Mirchi. Somewhere along the lines, we had read they were open until 2AM on weekends. We figured we had finally found a place we could get curry after a night of pubbing. Alas, those hours were either changed or a figment of our imagination, as we drunkenly found out one winter night after boozing on the evening shift. The next morning we consulted Mirchi’s web page.  This only confused us more as their weekend hours are listed as 12PM -12PM for Friday and 1PM -12PM on Saturday. Either they are open zero minutes on Friday or they are open 24hours. Which is it? Worse yet, conceivably on Saturday, they might be open for negative 1 hours. Luckily, Ren and I know what makes time travel possible. (matt)

After discovering this apparent contradiction, I just had to do some research.   Apparently in an attempt to top the Taj Mahal, who as we all know were the “first to introduce the tandoor in Alberta”, they decided to become the “First to introduce the Flux Capacitor”.  As listed on the official Flux Capacitor webpage that exists only in my mind, adding a flux capacitor to your Indian Restaurant provides the instant benefits of

1. Krispier Kebabs
2. Tastier Tikka
3. Sexier Samosas
4. Perfect paneer

Unfortunately, like every revolutionary breakthrough the Flux Capacitor also comes with a downside, despite you working your ass off cooking these tasty treats, the outside world will actually perceive your establishment as being open negative 1 hours or possibly not at all.  I think on Saturdays if you peek through the window you can see a blur as the people inside actually drift backwards through time.  (ren)

To be safe, we decided to review Mirchi over the supper hour. The restaurant is easily spotted from the parking lot of the downtown Safeway. Ren was able to remind me never to park in Safeway’s parking lot, unless shopping at said grocery establishment, at the risk of being ticketed. For the record, we did not discuss the dress code this time. There were tonnes of people milling about in front of Mirchi and this piqued our interest. Either the food was so good that people were lined up out the door OR the kabab chef was bare knuckle fighting a leprechaun.  Ren took 2:1 odds on the leprechaun. (matt)

A very wise man once told me “never bet against an irishman in a fair fight”.  He forgot to mention however, that the irish have yet to be involved in a fair fight.  I lost my $20 and the leprechaun lost his Lucky Charms. (ren)

As it turns out, the massive congestion of people was a result of people waiting around for take-out orders amongst a small dining area that was nearly at full capacity. We busted in and sat at the only free table. Adding to all the chaos was the ordering process. Since the dining area seemed nice enough to be a full service restaurant but also small enough to be a takeout place, we were unsure whether to order at the counter or wait for menus. Someone eventually called us up to the counter to order. (matt)

Despite the unease that comes with walking into a complete shit-storm of people, generally with indian food this is a good sign.  All the best restaurants up in the curry district are also sweethouses and tend to have a steady stream of people picking up sugary morsels as well as take-out food orders.  Once we grabbed our seat we were reluctant to head to the counter to make our order because we were sure we would find it taken on our return, despite it being only about 5 feet away.  (ren)

Reading the menu board only led to more confusion. The stylized writing of the board was insanely difficult to read. We kept looking for good old fashion mainstay curries; be it butter chicken or chicken madras. Instead it seemed they were focused on kebabs and tikkas. Not to say we won’t eat these but if you’re gonna do a chicken tikka, you might as well throw it in a sauce and call it a chicken tikka masala. Furthur complicating matters around ordering was the fact that electric tape was half- assedly draped over certain items deemed “unavailable”. I finally found one that appealed to me (fish tikka) only to be told it wasn’t available. Perhaps they should have used duct tape over that item. We felt rushed to order by the staff member, who seemed a little unnerved by the fire code violation that was occurring in his dining area.  It should be noted that they do have some interesting options like African Beef Ribs and Masala Fries but we struggled to find what we were really after. I settled for Afghani Tikka while Ren went with Chicken Tikka. (matt)

I was pretty sure they had traditional curries, since they had menu options that were combinations of meat and veg, or 2 meat or 2 veg, but the actual choices were elusive.  I genuinely like a chicken tikka, but usually only as an appetizer.  However the cursive writing on the board made me want to curse, and the $12.50 pricetag convinced me that it was a meal-sized portion.  (ren)

We returned to our table only to find it was occupied by a young woman who looked like she was waiting for a menu. After a brief explanation, she kindly removed herself from our seat and waited outside with others. We watched as her and her dining partner tried to grab stools in the cramped dining room only to be told that they too were occupied/reserved.  We could sense her frustration which finally boiled over when she just decided to get takeout with the majority of the other people.  However, as she was waiting for the order, tables opened up and she decided to eat in instead. This angered the staff and at one point the proprietor started berating the customer. In all honesty, we’ve only seen this type of behavior from a curry attendant once before (at the Curry House where the owner had to throw a drunk out of the restaurant.) And while the Mirchi staff member seemed to make amends with the customer later in the meal, we can’t condone ignoring the golden rule that “the customer is always right”. But we will however concede that for anyone who has actual retail experience, the rule is rubbish. (matt)

Every possible space in the restaurant had people in it.  There was a wall with an eating-bar type contraption on the side that was out of service because they had set up an 8 place folding table in order to seat one group.  This took out the stools for the eating bar as well as most of what I imagined was the designated indoor waiting area.  (ren)

I will say this about Mirchi: The diversity of its cliental made it interesting. In addition to the “Should I Stay or Should I Go girl”, the restaurant also housed a large Filipino family, a group of African men and an UberPosh couple who were planning their wedding reception. It seemed like a pretentious wedding as they were talking of budgets in excess of $300,000. The older metrosexual groom-to-be had salt and pepper hair and was feverishly making notes about whether to go with grilled Sea Bass or stick with Potatoe & Truffle Croquettes with Gooseberry Au Jus. His fiancé had trophy wife written all over her.  We both agreed she was the most beautiful girl we’ve seen with a kebab in a long time. Or definitely in the top 3. (matt)

As we waited for our order I observed the tables around us receive various curries.  Perhaps there was a page of the menu that I completely missed.  I only saw one wall, but maybe there was another one around back.  Or maybe it was like the McDonalds menu when they flip it over from the breakfast side to the other food side and if you're not there before 11 you're SOL.  I also witnessed the one table next to us receive what I assumed were the african spare ribs.  They appeared to be inquiring about the relatively odd shape of them but were told “that's how they come, we don't make them, we just get them like that”.    They seemed to accept this explanation, however I was a bit concerned about the possible source of my chicken tikka. (ren)

When our food did eventually arrive we were disappointed in the portion size. While the side salad on the plate looked good, it didn’t do much to fill us up. My Afghani Tikka was very Afghani. Chicken with cracked pepper on it and then put on a grill.  Maybe it’s my fault for expecting more from a country with very simple foods. Ren’s tikka was very flavourful. If the whole experience could have mimicked the spice of the Chicken Tikka, we’d have been happier.  (matt)

I really enjoyed my chicken tikka, and had it been an appetizer, followed by a wonderful steaming bowl of curry, we probably could raise our score by a couple points.  However, it was intended to be a meal, and one kebab of chicken just isn't enough to fill this kid up.  And I don't eat salad.  Not since I was about 7 and was forced to finish my supper in the bathroom after tormenting my sister to the point where my parents finally snapped.  The only thing left on my plate was the salad, and that was the last salad I ever ate.  Seeing as this is the only really traumatic memory of my childhood, I don't think I'll bother a therapist with it.  However you might want to keep it in the back of your head just in case you ever see a guy hiding under a table and rocking back and forth at a Bonanza Steakhouse.  Try to spoon-feed him a curry and I'm sure he'll be just fine.  (ren)

Unfortunately, the whole experience left us unfulfilled and we actually walked 5 blocks east to Raja Foods for more food.

Mirchi scores a 6/10. (add points to your own rating if you find the top-secret curry menu)

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